How to Restore Romance in your relationship

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Romance is one of the sparks that keeps are a relationship strong. Without romance a relationship is lifeless. Even if the two of you get married, you need to keep up the romance. This can be done in simple ways like how you sleep and going out.

Sleep together — literally

There’s something every couple should do between the sheets to stay connected, and it’s not what you think. Going to sleep at the same time creates more opportunity to cuddle, says Jan Hoistad, Ph.D., relationship coach and author of Romance Rehab: 10 Steps to Rescue Your Relationship. She encourages couples to cuddle for five to 10 minutes every morning and night. “The goal is not sex but affection and emotional connection,” she says. “You may or may not talk, but being physically close strengthens the connection between you.”

Don’t stop dating

Remember your first date? How about your 73rd? Between the initial infatuation and the long-term commitment, there’s often a dating drought. “Think about things you did during courtship and continue that,” says Hoistad. “Couples who are together for a long time tend to take one another for granted and forget to appreciate one another.”

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You do not have to do major things to be romantic. Diamond rings or ruby necklaces do not do it. Time is everything. Instead of spending money, spend quality time. Spend time kissing or just have a one on one talk with each other.

1. Kiss passionately for at least 15 seconds every day.

Daily passionate kissing keeps the fire burning. Kissing is intimate and romantic. A prostitute once said, “I will have sex with my clients but not kiss them. Kissing is far too intimate.” Passionate kissing for even fifteen seconds a day releases feelings about each other that say, “I love you. I want to be with you. You are special to me.” This is not about sex, it’s about romance. One last thought: There is no rule that you have to keep it at fifteen seconds. Go ahead and splurge … go for longer!

2. Take 15 minutes at least 5 days a week to connect and talk.

Frankly, if there is not emotional intimacy or connection, there will be little interest in healthy romance. Find time to connect. Find time to communicate on a deeper level. We have friends who are in pastoral ministry who have a set standing appointment just to sit on the couch, hold hands, and talk about their lives with each other. The kids can take a 15-minute break, their church doesn’t need them for those 15 minutes and the investment of time talking and connecting speaks volumes to the pastor’s spouse. Cathy and I like to take our dog for a walk. This is our time to share our hearts with each other. Too many times, I’ve seen this as physical exercise or taking.

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It is true that many relationships are going under but that does not be the same story with yours. Learn to focus on the positive aspects of what you and the one you love share. Do not be monotonous. Get stupid together. Throw pies at each other or even turn on the sprinklers when she is out in the lawn.

Focus on the positive.

Remember those fabulous qualities you noticed in your partner when you started dating? Time and stress may have brought their less-favorable traits into sharper focus, says psychologist Elizabeth R. Lombardo, PhD. But their good qualities are probably still there.

Fixating on the negatives wouldn’t have worked in the beginning and it doesn’t work now. “In marriage, it’s easy to freeze your partner into a fixed perception. Get out of that,” says Sherrie Campbell, PhD. She is a marriage and family therapist in Yorba Linda, Calif.
Do something crazy (or new).

One study found that couples who did novel and arousing things together felt better about their relationships than those who stuck with routine, mundane activities.

“It’s amazing what getting out of your normal routine and pushing your comfort boundaries will do for your love life,” says Sheri Meyers, PsyD. She’s the author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love and Affair-Proof Your Relationship.

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